| A new day ? |
[Dec. 2nd, 2008|08:59 am] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | Lousville | ] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  amused | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | 3 doors down | ] |
A new day has came and It confuses me. A lot has happend. Craig has passed away and my mom is getting a little better. Sherry is here in Lousville. Some times when we want something and desire it, we tend to push and pull so hard that it moves the earth. Still, I know its not where I need to be. I feel gods call on my life. I know what I must do, But I am also wondering if my pushing and pulling has changed the world for what I thought I wanted. Mabe I need to check my constution and see if I really want this or is it just.... |
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| this if for all thouse who wanted to know the truth. (its sad and fucked up) |
[Nov. 21st, 2008|07:02 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  lonely | ] |
Ok i know i havent writen in a long time and alot has happend. Ths isnt the sugar coated version. This is the real cold version. Ok about 4 moths ago me and rebecka wer making plans tward geting married. I ws promoted as head leader of the youth department. I was geting married and deep and a head of my class in my ministers class. Ok then came a couple that wanted to help with the youth. Things were bad from the start there was arguing over who should lead and who was put in charge. After 2 weeks of crazyness pastor called us in the office and seat this straight. Me and Rebecka started it and we are running it. But they can help. After a week or 2 me and becka say that things were being done with out us and it made us verry mad. Rocky and his wife kissed ass and brown nosed there way all they way to the top with the asstain pastor. So after all the games and lies that he told I seperated myself from them. Tey did take it over and drove everone away and brok all the bonds that we tryed so hard to set up. Ok so some how pastor sweet talked them into leting me use there old car. so the grudginly let me. Ok after a week i was going to pick rebecka up and go out for dinner. a small truck cut in to my lane and tyed to turn and i hit them. I called rebecka and rocky. The guy was ok and his truck was total fine but the cars hood was dinted and the raditor was cracked. so rebecka got there. I was in massive pain waitin on a ambulance. She started in being a asshole. saying everythangs my fault and i fuck everythang up. so i told her to walk the fuck home. she ingored me. so i told her to fuck off and go away. rocky showd up and her was saying god shoew him all of this and how good god is to him(while i am stining on the curb bleeding) I went to the er and i was fine sore but ok. I told rocky i was gona give him 500 for the car and he sead ok. so after the first day back 2 work he kept hiting me up for money. and i was short and count buy then food or gass he would bring up how i crashed his car and its my fault and i owe him. . soo Steping back a few years..... Her room mate and her was messing arround and kising and he started fingerin her and she feaked out and caled the cops and sead her raped her. so he went to jail and i dint find out the truth till 2 to 3 years latter. ok back to the story. i guess she say him and it freaked her out and she went into the pac unit at the guidence center. Rocky came over every day after i just got of work at 7 am saying lets go c rebecka. I just got off work i wanted to take a nap and he would tell me if it was his wife he would be there for her and all this drama. soo i went. He kept trying to get money off of me afor gass and geting me to buy him food and all. So I transpherd to day shift so me and becka could sleep in the same bed. 2 days latter while i was sick in be she texts me ans says. pastor and every one dont think its ogna work and neather do i. i asked what was goin on and she sead she is breaking it off. I sead after 2 years that is it ? ur fucking kidding me. so she kept saying after that pls dont call or text me anymore. I want to work the next day and noticed a me and one my my co workers had a tons incommon. so we became friends. Ok the next day I got her number and she sead she is sorry for me and if i need to talk just call. that was sweet. that after noon becka called and tole me I am a horable person and i am gona go to hell cuz I gave up on her. I told her you have pulled this be fore and i am sick of it. the next day I started to make plans to move home to ky. So I called back becka and tole her she needs to get her stuff out cuz i was leaving. she got pissed off and started cuzinf me out.,so I hung up on her. The next day she got her stuf out and she even took some of mine. soooo I got paid the next day and stuck 300 in my sesk to pay for rent. ME and sherry was spending all day jsut talking up a storm and having a ball. I loked forward to come to work. Ok i was at my desk and was cleaning and i decied to look in it and 200 of the 300 was missing so i looked around and also was my 900 dollor watch was gona so i called her ans she sead i gues u lost in. and the watch was a present from me. I told her it wasnt cuz i bought it. and ur 2 watches and with the other items. so i went to work the next say and me and sherry spent all day sjut texting but she was upset. I aske y and she sead her man just shows up for sex and then he leves and he has been cheatin on her and he sead he would stop by and he never does so she was breaking up with him. I gave her a long hug and it felt right . we must have hugged for 10 minis just holdin eachother. so later she asked me if i would walk her to the guidence center to gt her meds so i sead shure. We had a long hart to hart and spilled our lifes to eachother. and there was a little crying just goo freind to friend bondin. so i taker her home and get home hop on line and she seas she needs me. I ask y, she called me and ws crying on the phone saying wshe was depressed and wanting to od. she tred to get ahold of mario but he wont anser the phone. and she need some one there . so i grabed some stuff to make sandwitches and i headed over. she was realy depressed crying and freaked out so i mad dinner and we had a few beers and a few more beers and we starting to get drunk. we began to play fight again, as we allways do. ans we kissed and began to make out. after 2 hours of this we go back and try to have sex i was to drunk to get hard and she was to drunk to get wet . so it dint work. ok the next day we were flirting and hiting eachother having fun. We had previosly set up that tonight we would make a late birthday dinner for her sence she dint have one. ok we go out and get the stuff and we head back to her house and i maed dinner while she was on the cpu. earlyer she was asking if i had a web cam she could borow. i sead u can have it. sooo After eating she wanted me to hook it up an clean up her cpu. after i sat down i say a meaage up and she was tellingsome guy she loved him. soo I tought back 3 to 4 nights ago. I would be with her and she would say to som one on the phone i cant say it here i am wit freinds. so i keept reading and i guess she had sent pics and stuff. I looked futher up and saw she told him about her dinner and a freind ws cooking for her and he was asking if some thing ws between us and she told him that i was to fat and that I had a short dick becouse I shoed it to her. so i cleaned u the kitchen and headed home. when i got home i told her about what i saw and that was mean. she sead she was sorry and i wasnt supsoed to read her messages. I cryed my eyes out all night. i dint sleep at all. the next day she must of texted me about 30 time apoojising and saying sorry and that wasnt right. so i acepted her aopgy. we went back to being friends. 2 days latter i was seting outside with my one to one and a hispanic girl came walking by ans asked what this place was so i told her and she asked if she could get a job there so i told her she brobl could. so i gave her the nuber to the front office and she sead i was cute so i gave her my number. Sherry was aking what was that all about and i told her some cute girl asked for my number and i gave it to her. Sherry got pissed of. She was mad realy mad.I aslked y and she went off on me saying all types of stuff. I asked her if she was jellose and she sead se was and i asked why ans she sead tht she wanted me . so after alittle chating we made if offical. oh sorry there was another day in between. we was broke and hungry we went to the food bank to have dinner one night and after she hung one to me and would not let me walk home. and after 20 mis of flirting and playing i tole her that she had to let me go cuz i wanted to kiss her and she sead hse wanted to as well. i tryed doing it playfully but it dint work. so the next day we were flirting and hugung and cuddling with eachother and i kissed her and latter she sent me a text saying she wanted to do it again. then came the dinner and the computer. and the hispanice girl .sorry. ok so we are a item now and
we are falling for eachother alittle more each day.. so after a few days i call me mom and she seas my step dad is going to die and her hart is geting realy bad. so i starte making aragments to go back home. that day me and sherry must of stared into eachothers eyes for hours at work. and then it hit me liek a ton of bricks. I am falling for her . so one night we go to the mall for food and we had a long hart to hart. I was thinking i could star into her eyes forever.we were kissing and flirting and hugging and loveing eachother and i told her. and hey eyes were screaming it. so wen we nt bakc to her house and made love nad went to bed. the next wad was heavenly the way she would smile at me and her flirting and sneaking kisses in.. and when we were at work she tlod me that she loved me and was falling for me. i cryed most of htat day. Wow I actualy have found love and some one that is will to do anythang to protect me and to love me. ok so i count aford rent cuz rebecka stole from me so sherry sead move in with her. i did and it wasthe best week and a half of my life. I went to church to say bye to everone and she was working. so i took her keys. she got sick at work and went home but count gt in cuz i had the keys. i called her after church and she sead she ws at a freinds and was gona be ok for a while so i went out to eat wit hmy bst friend terry. After i got back i called her and she sead she broke down the door and had to pee and was waiting out in the cold cuz she dint wana get there kids sick. The next day i packed and got on a plane..... here is where it get painfull and crazy. 2 days latter she text me saying donald my fuckhead freind after 4 years walked in when she ws sleepin and was rubbing his dick saying can u se me can u see me. and she opend her eyes and sead no so she jsut layed there and he asked if she wanted it. he asked it she liked what she saw and wanted to join him and his wife in bed. she told him she was tired and dint feal good. Ok after i got of the phone with her i called donald to tell him off and he is pissed about guys coming over and her going out last night. so i called his wife and she sead that sherry met a guy and they went to a motel and have sex, also that she aske if she could use there room for sex and and that i never happend. so i called the guy and he told me everyhang latter on i find out that donalds wife was texing this dude dirty messages and she ste steph up and was pushing them to have sex. also. the night before i guy came inot her house while she was sleeping and tryed to have sex wtih her leving big hickedys on her neck and hse kicked him in the balls and kicked him out. i stil kinda shink she was lonley had had a few drinks and calleda friend and then things got crazy and they stoped. That is what that guy sead. I talked to her close friend and she inlightend me .She has had a horable childhood and it hard for her to tell the truth and sence she was raped is has a realy hard time sayn no to sex. so we all take and she wants to be with me and work this out and she has been making awsome progress. i know ur problily wodering why i am still with her, weil truth is i am inlove wit her and ai know she loves me. so i am willing to work it out. ok 2 days ago from today she got home and i guess i herd her talking to some one and undr her breath and when i told her she got pissed off and realy hurt. and she took a bunch of her sleep meds and overdosed. so she went to he hospital and got loked at and they are gona get her in to group and gt her talking about things and all. I wish she dint do that but it is geting her the help soo. But recently she has been geting distantand cold. there is no way to sescribe it. its like i dont feal her arms when i go to bed. I dont feal her eyes in my mind. I cant feal her next to me. i cant feal her hart, and her i love you is cold, like no emotion. She has chanced so much but in more ways than one. She is geting cold and distant twards me, like there is no fealing no pashon nothing there. sooo i will write more latter. Joshua |
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| here i am |
[Jul. 22nd, 2007|12:44 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | uncomfortable | ] |
hell hath no flames compared to my life |
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| hmm grr |
[Oct. 29th, 2006|06:07 am] |
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ok i hate to be blunt but people are allways going to take some to one context to another soo it joshuas terms if you ont like wht you read, dont read it. dont hold things tward me. |
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| Hmm another day? |
[Sep. 23rd, 2006|07:29 pm] |
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Alot has went on in the last few days to my last entry. My old chevy truck is gone. There was a truck outside of my pastors that everyone was droling overl. He let my truck out and let me use that truck. I love him but he doesnt do anything without altertive motave so. I fell in love. ITs a litte long, Well about 20 Ft long but its a 96 350 desel, its on 33 climbers. It has a fith wheel in the bed and A realy nice interior. I know that my job will be starting of in a few weeks. This will chance my life and I have to think Jesus every day for this. I was talking to rebecka and after a period of time that no calls and I understand that she is in a bad situation but still if she wants me she has to put forth a litte efort. So after my 4 months trying and 135 calls, I have decided to give up. She can give everyone a sad story that she has been tring so hard and dont understand why I am upset and not looking at her. I was at my friends shop and there was a girl in there and she was in a bad prodigament and he was TRYING to give good advice and walk her through this. To make a long story he kept hiting on her and I got her to go to church with me. So I befriend her and she got her children back and living at a half way house for now. There is a attraction there and it is interisting. She is beuitifull. Firey red hair and geourgeous Pale blue eyes. She has one of the bigest harts in extistance. I Like her, and I am under the inpreshon that she likes me. She is not in church so i am taking my time and leting her (get her roots) but she already feals what is going on there. She is going to go tomorow and she wants to hang out so I might take her and her kids to the park to unwind, They have been through so much. All I can ofer is my prayers and suport in what is going on. She has given me a few complements and they have touched my hart in a way I have never felt. She lookd at me when I was taking her arround and told me when she first met me she knew that I would not hurt her but instead do everything I could for her. After saying that she gave me a smile and some how I felt her. Not physicaly but its like her hart reached up and huged me. Ok enough about my love life. Steph is watching the kids again. they are everywhere.lol. Oh I almost forgot. My father is comming to visit for a week. He is flying in on monday arround noon. I am agervated my mentor sead that he will help me get him up here. I realy cant drive my truck down there couse I have no plates on it and its a 235 mile trip. He sugested that I have my dad takle the buss up. I called up the church pastor and spoke with him and he tlod me we will work somthing out. That makes me happy. I am exicited IO havent seen my dad sence two thousand and I amd looking forward to seing him once again. I have been doing laundry all day and tomorow I am finishing up with the cleaning and cleaning my truck and finishing up. He is comming up for a week and leaving on friday moring. He is planning to get a job in virgina and staying state side. Arround dec I am going to try to go home for a few weeks. I miss my faimly soo. I havent seen any of my cousins or faimly sence before 97 so this will be akward. I pray Jesus keep his had on them and taht they come to a realization of this wonderfull truth and love. And who knows mabe I will have found some one for me to take home. But Its all in Jesus's hands. So in my clsouing thoughts May the lord guide us all and may his anothing be upon our harts. Thanks YOu Jesus |
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| (no subject) |
[Aug. 29th, 2006|04:56 pm] |
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First I want to say that I love the lord. I trust in his will and his anoiting. But these last few weeks have been getting longer and longer. I see soo much happynes and love between my brothers and there faimleys. And Everyone arround me that is close to my hart once they have there others they forget everone and they flaunt there love. It makes me soo lonley. The girl I realy like is in a bad prodigament. |
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| (no subject) |
[Aug. 26th, 2006|10:27 pm] |
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Thank you jesus for all you have done i will sing your praise |
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| (no subject) |
[Aug. 25th, 2006|08:45 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | My aprament | ] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | thankful | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | 89.9 Kycc | ] |
I have to take alittle time to think Jesus for all he has done. He has keept me warm and made shure I eat ever so often. And He has brough me in to a wonderfull ministery. I Love my Jesus for all he has done in my life. And every time I leave him and my hart wanders he is there to love me and pick me up and to let me know that he never left me. So I just wanted to think god for the chance to think him for all he has done in my life. I love you Jesus. |
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| Another day |
[Aug. 24th, 2006|10:09 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | lonely | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Carman | ] |
Today was just another day, It rained o my chest was hurting. I dint make it to decipleship traing, I was hungry all day. I am fealingso distant from everone and lonley. Everone arround me is all happy and all my frineds have familys and loved ones and I am empty. I am praying god that he keeps his hands on me and guids my hart and my toung. And that he protects me in the trying times. |
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| Wow |
[Aug. 21st, 2006|10:57 pm] |
I just loe how things have a tendancy to work out. I think Jesus every day that he has brought me to life. I will be starting my dream job soon. I will be geting a new truck. And I met some one. She is amazing. I know kim is moving on. we have been apart for about 5 months now. I wish her only the best. My roomate is doing good with his girl. They tend to argue once in a whil but there are a good couple. I it so nice to see god moving in there relationship. well i am gona go write more latter ok. Good night and god bless you. |
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| grr |
[Aug. 18th, 2006|11:07 am] |
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Today was just another crapy day. I took Stephine to Flag Staffin Sourse and we fixed her up with some resourses. The Racest and sexist lady ann was still working there. We got back and don was being groumpy mode. I am agervated by people who think they know everything and think they have a clue on what is going on and realy dont. So I was agervates sence they stay up till 6 am and ( and braging look we can go without sleep for long peroids of time like you) and then they sleep and ,, well its 5 pm and there still sleeping this is getitting nuts. And both of them have egos biger than eacother ( if you understood that you know what i am going through). My minister expects me to deal with it and be a example and lead, How Can I lead if no one wants to be lead? Beat it all . My ex Mellisa witch I am still in love with is messaging me being totaly out of control. What is with people now days? And to beat it all I am stuck with everone flaunting there love lifes to me and all there sucess stories and all that jazz and it is driving me nuts. Hell I am at the point I realy dont want anyone. I am reading 1 conrinthians 7 chapter and it seas that if you can not contain marry for it is better to mary than to burn. But it also seas it is better to be single. And everone is using decerment and, Ohh your gona have a beuitifull wife and ohh things are going o be soo good. Well that is one problim I am at the point I dont want it. Wemon are completly too much drama and Bipolarsm will kill me. I have been single for about 6 months now. I am becoming use to the fact of being alone. The only wish I have is that i had a cat, So when I get my new job i am going to go and get 2 mabe 3 cats. I will be able to afford alot for them. I have been looking up my past , not just exes but friends and people that was close to me.. God everything is nuts,. The good ones are permisquise and the bad ones are married with kids. A few blame me couse I went to serve in the military but that is crap, I can not live some ones life for them. I just miss all the people i knew aver the years that are gone and the ones that are far away that i will never see again. It makes me sad that i am in thsi prodigament. Being loney is horrable and one of my bigest fears. Like now my mentor has married and my room mates chick has come down from kasas and everone i know is a couple and that leaves me .... Just me ....Stuck in a world of good intintions and careless wishing. I know I soud a little drama queeny but i am staing facts. My exgirlfriend KimI care for her soo much, But she finds default with my new choises in life. She wants the old me back, Broke on drugs and goign no where. Now that have a religion she seas its a turn off. And Secince I wear dress cloths arround I am diffrent. But with my Job i will be geting and My new life that is the path I have choosen. There have been a 2 girls I have taken an intrest in. Paula is one, She has two kids and a good job. But she has some severe coplexes. She likes me but she is scared of comentment and scared of rejiction. The other is Rebicka, She is sweet loving and nice. But till recently I jsut found out she is fake. She live is two worlds trying to keep everone at bay so she doesnt have to coment ot anything. She has no problim telling me that she likes me and doing little things to flirt and to let me know but that is it. Paula spends almost all her time geting agervated and hostel twards people. One more good reson why I want to be single is the drama. But a fear of mine is I dont end up like everone that i have distance myself. |
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| Alot s going on |
[Aug. 11th, 2006|04:24 pm] |
Well if i sead my life did a 180 would you belive me ... |
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| (no subject) |
[Aug. 10th, 2006|10:41 am] |
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| |  confused | ] |
I know i realy havent sat down and wrote about what is going on in my life. I knw I have 1 in 89 percent chance that some one will read this but confeshon is good for the soul. When i moved out to arozona I was bewitched by a gril named Sahara. We were together for about 3 months and she turned ot to be completly biploar. I want home for a month and was planning to stay in ky but the promise of change and great sex was to enticing. That fall want to collage at yaviapiai. I sent for hte magor of martal psycology. My roomate was a big guy from messa. His name was mat. He was a metal head jew. Me being a quarter jew and being a met head we ran the campus. My first wek sahara broke up with me. I dont know i am stll tryin to figure it out. And a week latter I met a beuitifull navijo named Kathren, We spent most of a moth dating and then 'i was interduced to a Big chester Brown haired blesed eyed girl named Breannna. We messarroudn and had sex the first day. Whe wount take no for a anser and i was too buzzed. After a week or 2 I was interdouced to a a you mexican lady ( I cant reamber her name) beut we also folled arround. ok just for knolage that there were large amonts of drugs there ok. And after she called me one moring ant 1 am teling she is going in the ministry I got with one of my friends and kida a sympothy sex. And she was Realy good. And she started to fall for me. But there were to manny stiplulatons there. she had a 8 month old boy and her mand ran of to be with the curcis in tx. Se did wayto much cocane. and then if ound out i had a few stakers. at first it ws kinda creepy but after a while i kind got to the pint that it wa enticing. i belive that its was me being a vet and trained in matral arts and i passed out once on my bed naked ( just got out of the shower and i hant slept for a few days and my door was unlocked and a few on my stalkers went to see if i ws hungrey r wanted a massage and they ws kinda stuck how large i was ssooo any way next theing i know i am waking up and there are 16 girls in my room and my roomate is trying to get arround them tying to cover me up and they were trying to keep him busy so he dint.lol anyway. one was a beuitifull girl named Valeire. She was to skinny for my taste but ... oh well. she looked like one of these super modles all potite. well. skiping alot of drama i ended up meeting a fren and she had conetions for sertan things well, dugs. and i ended up geting with her friend ummmm, Rebica We were ogether for a week or 2 and I found out that she was having sex for drugs. That is what happend to most of my exs. So i went back and stayed with sahara we boke up and I went on a date and met a wonderfull girl maned kim. She was amazing. A navijo. And when i came back sahara was nuts soo I alled kim and I wsnt to flagstaff. I know she has cheated on me alot but I tryed to make it work for over a year and a half. And one day I was praying and I told god Look I know you are real and if you will give me a lifeI will give it to you. I want to church and get blessed me. After a week or two I ended up moving out and mvungin wioth my pastors son. Befor that I was called in to the ministry at a young age, I think arround 12 to 13 . God called me again. and I acepted his calling. I began under a asstaint ministor program. I have been single for quite a while now and I got a truck now and things few things and it feals like that god is puting me through the ropes but its all for a purose. I am a month from geting my disabilty and geting a awsome job and things jsut take time. I am learing to quit worring and trust in jesus. As far as dating I did like a young lady named Paula. She is verry beuitifull but shie is a verry proud and likes to instagate things. There is another young lady that likes me. she is alittle older 32 but i an gona be 26 this year anyway. She is verry beuitifull and has a wonderfull hart and a loving personality but she has way to much on her plate. I gave her a ride from the hospital and we talked all day and held hands and kust you know.... She has made it verry ovbouse that she likes me but um I dont know I think she has got a lot on her plate. Well I cut out alot but that is only for me to know. Jesus has blessed me farther that i could have hoped and it is only geting better. |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 11th, 2006|03:08 pm] |
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Has the whole world gone mad. Whats is with everone. I swear I am the only nonbipolar one out there. And why after years of being friends do you mail someone and tell them to screw off... What the fuck.... But ohh well... |
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| That is right |
[Apr. 23rd, 2006|06:49 pm] |
Every dog gets his day and mine is comming in 3 cout them 3 monts, and everone who rubbed my fac in that sand is gona feal shity. and to everyone I hurt. I Got you back G .
God Damn it Feals good to be a gangster |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 5th, 2005|01:52 pm] |
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Damn it feals good to be a gangster! |
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 22nd, 2005|02:36 pm] |
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ok how do you add pics to this? |
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| a few days worth |
[Sep. 22nd, 2005|02:33 pm] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | slipknot | ] |
Today was a ruff day I was told by Nestle I am not elagleble for employment. So this means were Broke but now we have to pay 4hundred something to the land lord and owe 2hundred and fifty dollors to her ex step dad. I realy hope righ can pull a fea strings and get me a bouncing position . Mabe at the joint or monta V. That is realy hard for anyone to hear there 24 years old having got out of the molitary just a few years ago and there gona have to live on disabilty. I just find that realy depressing. My mother is geting werd I swear if my step dad is bing a dick I will kick his ass. And my father is still pushing religion. Has god ever done anything for me? NO! Everyone is brain washed into praying and When something good hapens Its his blessing But when something is not going good its the devil of god is testing you. Ohh my good wake and smell the ingnorace. (and by the way I fucking know my spelling suck so u can fuck off.) Our babies are doing good there 2 years old apeace one is a orange tabby named oscar and one is a blakc and whight named soffie( her orriginal name is sofealia but I like sofe and any way who names a female cat oscar???)?Wow its starting to get cold out. The cold has brought some of my fondest memories, Childhood cristmass, Winter drives, sleeping in a big blanket while the wind os just cracked enough so you can feal the breeze across your face. so you get the idea. All my life I live by moto some sone has allways got it worse , but now I dont realy care who has it worse or whos house got flooded. Or who killed who. Things are geting out of hand but are we as americans so willings to put our things aside for a nobler couse? Naa its all politicks. Thats why there are flying peolpe 3 Thousand miles from Batton Rouge to Phenox Az. And Its like we are expecting them to live here. ( ABC) So in return I send the a mail saying . Ok we bring these people aross the country and give the a place to stay and medical attition and ere expecting the to move here and pay state taxes, while there home is under a fuck ton of watter and ther whole family is missing.. Now That is bullshit. Like is some big suprise the gangs are geting out of hand. they pass martal law and cops in plain cloths are grabing people and troughing them in boats. I had 4 friends in the middle east , they were brought back to go the flood. This is a pilitaical nighmare. And dont get me started on policies of the political party. Vetrans get on fucking love. 75% of all the vets in the us are fucking homeless. what the fuck and it is soo fucking hard to get disabilty in this time , there is a guy around the block he has lost a finger and he is awarded one hundred percent and a guy I drink with has lost both legs between the hip and the knee and one are completly and one eye and he only got a lousy fucking 45% thats 1535 dollors a month and the guy is 30............ Ok Ok now I have had time to light a smoke and contiue.. I am trying to poiliticate myself and pull a spot on the American Legion Vet Rep Council. Hell I have enough fire to join the legion and the irish mob why not. and 70 to 90 percent of out gop are vets os its kinda like a alterior Legion. And that I find Funny. But ne way things are ok I finly took most of my percings out , The gauges go as folled. ears 1 in toung 00g niples 6g pa 8g. I still have my nipples in but there at 12g and my pais still a 6g, but my eye brow closed up in a week . I am still keeping my libret open just becouse its fun to have. lol. The rest are gone. expt my toung its at a 8g and I would like to keep it open but I dont have any 8g barbels. ok ok you have heard enough ranting araving about my life politics and my perciongs so I belive I am gona go to bed. It is 12:19 in the moring. I went into Des yesterday to chat wiht my budy the vet rep and there was the strangest woman in there, ron sead this would be perfict for me. I talked to her and she is recuting for Correcitional offercers. So after a hour of questions I Thought this would be a good idea. I asked her is was gona be a problm sence I got of the military I ganed a little weight (everone does) she told me that is not a problim., Kind think of the accadimy as a Realy laid back bootcamp. I told her that I was not realy looking forward to going back to boot camp.lol, So I sighned up. I have to go to the writen testing this moriung , its in winslow? 2 hours away and i cant sleep. I read the paper work and I will be making about 31 thousand a year . Thats not bad for starting of. And the temp angency put kim at honda, the old guy back there offerd her in a few months to go full time. She told me she would be making about 13 thousnad a year. When I got there he sead about 35 thousand to 5o thousand a year. (She got confused LOL). OMFG. That is a lot of cheese. I am starting to realize more and more every day I need her in my life. She does so much for me its silly. I conceder all the people I heurt and harts I trashed , I belive I deserve worse, But all I can do is apoligise and try to make things right. But I have to admit things arnt allways what they seem in a realationship. People try ther hardest to get there life as a good front for something better or have interrion motives. All that is confusing. Well. I am in the proses of quiting smoking. I just have no desire to smok ne more. Yea its great to calm me down when I am streesed or pissed but still I feal like I am geting old. My hair is finaly growing out (LOL after how many years shaved? LOL) and I realize I Have a Fuck Ton of gray hair...For GODS SAKE I AM ONLY 24!!! oh well kim seas it makes me look inteligent and destinugsed. Some prick asked me yesterday they are having deals at a bar I go to if you 40 and older you drinks are half off. I wanted to kick him square in the nuts. Fuck head. OHH in this segment I am gona try to load a pic or two of my cats. I am typing this at home (we dont have internet yet).Have you ever had a few friends you miss are still think about? Sence I got out of the military I meet some of the coolest people. I miss the soooooo much. I pray tho the godes that they wil live a propspers life and there happy. Some times it makes me soo lonley . I am in a new place (AGAIN) and neeting people whos inpershion of me are akward at the least. But nothing can take back what time you have spent . So in my closing thoughts.. Are... Spent the time wiht the ones you chearish becouse you never know when you see them again and how life my twist you fates. Well everone I wish you a good night and sweet dreams... ok ok I am back and it has been a werd day first I went to the thingy ant the prisson and during a smoke brake I hear the sirens and 3 gun shots ns a cart passed us with 2 body bags. Then kim is being all werd I borrowed grand theft auto san andreas for my neabor and I helped her get passed the bike part in the begining and sheplayed it for a little bit. then she got bored becoues she grew tired of running arroud shooting people and I tlod her she can do a mission. I gpot her ther and she changed her mind. Then she gave the controler to me and sead u play it it anoying me. ok cool. she comes back in about 3 minits saying do you want to watch a movie. Its like we have constily got to do what she wants. like here we eat, what we do and everything. I dont think she is selfish I think that is all she is use to looking out for. number one... But I still love her,,,, with all my hart. ALLWAYS!!! Today has been a lazy day jsut relaxing and cleqaing the aparment, kim went to her physical for a new temp part. I found out that if you are looking for a ged you are wasting your time. I have been looking for mine for a year and I am agervated enough to get a nother one and in all I think that is my best bett. Well I dont have alot for tponight so goodnight and Blessed Be. |
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[Sep. 16th, 2005|08:45 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  tired | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | stuped phone keeps ringing | ] |
I can saftly say things are not always what they seem, once your a child and you easly dissmess things and thoughts about god family and polotics and once you get older and you realize that waht you have been told and what has been opressed on you is all false. And sometime latter after the realization of these things you start to wonnder if the bonds of time are worth keeping or sould you break them. Well I am still trying to figure that out. I mean arent we all? Isnt life realy a game? Trying to figure out or geal wiht gad and our deal wiht family situations? Even the poliutical systems are under complex thought. And for everone who is beliving in fath , Faith is a nice word for being blind. Soo now does that tell you where I stand on some things. Love and friendship is the oly things a person can put there faith in. And even so that fath is fickle ans ever. God I am tired. I slep on the couch and the cats kept crawling all over me all night. And Kim is being all nuts this moring. First she goes off on what to were, and then she seats down to watch a movie and after we get ready she wats a egg mc muffin and we go to the kmc dolalds in the middle of town tward her work and the trafic is horrable geting there and then she dosnt get her cinimun bun (HOLLY SHIT WW3) and then she is like I want you to get it while I am work. Then we have a ordeal geting out of the parking lot nad she is like .... I told you it would be like this. I anser nicly but you told me to go here.right? When I droped her off for work she got out all pissey becouse I told her yea some times you tell me stuff back to back and it makes me feal like you dont value my enteligence. So she stormed off and left her smokes. And latter the other day she tells me she still has sexual dreeams obut her ex boy toy. WTF? That makes me feal realy loved. and she seas she loves me. Confushion. Confushion. Well now I am going to go and smoke agaain and enjoy my everso tired moring. soo .. Everone I hape you all Have a better day than I am. and its only 900 hours...lol |
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